Now is the time to think differently about all that and allow ourselves to re-evaluate everything we had understood as fact. This is not an easy process, but if we genuinely want to build lifelong habits that will benefit us and reduce the amount of stress in our lives, we have to look seriously at every aspect of those lives and improve them. Nothing can be left unexamined, because everything we are and everything we do affects us.

Step 1 – Question Everything

Nothing is off limits when considering how we want things to improve. Every decision we’ve made has affected our lives in some way.

We have gotten used to assuming that some things are beyond questioning. Perhaps we feel we made the decision so long ago that it’s silly to dig it back up now. They might be too ingrained; we’re so used to living this way and making this choice that we don’t know how we’d do things differently. They might seem too big; how can we ever go about even getting started approaching something like that, let alone changing it?

This attitude is poisonous to good habit making. It allows us to defer mental responsibility, trapping us in a cycle that has left us miserable and stressed out. It is time to break that cycle wide open. Accept that nothing is off-limits to fair consideration, and you’ll have found the first step on the right path.

As the first part of building this habit, every time you find yourself trying to mentally change the subject from something you think is off limits, use the STOP technique and halt your thoughts, then make yourself consider the matter at hand.

Step 2 – Accept Responsibility

Often, we feel powerless about the things that have happened. Yet, every step is a decision. Perhaps you are stuck in a job you don’t like. When was the last time you applied for another one? When was the last time you updated your resume or CV and shopped it around for offers?

Well, you might say, that isn’t my choice. If I could choose, I’d have another job, naturally. But the economy is uncertain and the company’s been loyal, and I don’t feel that it’d be prudent…

These are all understandable reasons, but they are reasons you’re using to make a choice. Regardless of how it might seem, there is no one with a gun forcing you to stay at the job. You can quit if you feel like it. The consequences might seem undesirable, but that’s just information, not something forcing you or taking your choice away.

Every time you feel yourself starting to say you don’t have a choice, use the STOP method again. Take a few breaths, and then make yourself consider the choices you made, and accept that you have brought yourself to where you are. It isn’t an indictment, it’s not a criticism, it’s accepting the truth. The truth is always the best foundation to end bad habits and build good ones.

Step 3 – Consider Choices

It can be frightening thinking about the alternatives to where we are. Regardless of what might be out there for us to seek, what we have now might be attractive all the same. Perhaps it’s not the best, but maybe it works. Sure, we might not make as much money as we could elsewhere, but we make enough, right?

Again, this kind of thinking is trying to put off the matter that needs serious attention. Yes, our circumstances might work in some way now, but then why are we always so stressed? Why do we find ourselves filled with worry and regret all the time? Is the situation really so good if it’s making us miserable?

Once you stop the mental deferment, it is time to consider your choices in life. Start with the most outrageous, just as an exercise tool. Sticking with the notion of a bad job, accept that you can quit. If you want, you can write a letter giving the required notice right this second. Don’t think about the implications or consequences; just accept the fact that you do have the final choice in the matter, if you wish it.

Step 4 – Contextualize Choices

Now that you’ve reached the point of being able to accept your responsibility for things and consider the possible choices you have, it’s time to refine the matter.

Perhaps quitting the job isn’t the best idea right out of the gate. It’s nice to know you have the option, but does that create a practical reality? Perhaps not. Instead, consider what else you can do. Maybe instead of quitting, you want to volunteer for extra training that will get you a manager bump. Or you could update your resume after all and put it on a resume website, just to see what responses you get. Or perhaps you could ask for a bonus or raise, based on your performance.

Either way, you have a choice in the matter. Choose to confront your situation honestly, and you will see the choices open up wide before you. Only then can you begin making those choices that will make your life better, one small and serious step at a time.

Author’s Note: Previously published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

However, there is another technique that takes advantage of all the things we’ve talked about and makes them even more effective. This technique is called “system building.”

What is it?

System building is a method of taking all of your different techniques and applying them in an organized way, so that instead of reacting to stress as it comes up, you can head it off beforehand and minimize its presence in your life at all.

Why do I need it?

Studies show that humans are best suited for routines. Yes, we all crave a little change and excitement, but the best way to live day in and day out is in a stable yet adaptable routine. A routine is in fact a kind of system, built from our habits and usual practices to deal with the things that come up.

Where stress comes in is when our system fails a little. We try to graft something right on top of our existing routine and system, instead of bringing it inside where it’s part of things. We think about it as an outside imposition, rather then a necessary part of our routine, and thus we struggle against it and find ourselves stressing out.

How do I do it?

This is the beautiful part. If you’ve been following the program so far, you’re already doing it. It’s the step-by-step process of integrating the things we’ve already learned about, as mentioned above.

Step 1 – Go Through the Log

Now that you’ve had time to let your stress log develop, sit down and look through it. More than likely, you’re noticing a handful of patterns that keep popping up. Whatever form it takes, this is the sort of stress that comes up again and again, and isn’t likely to just stop if it’s ignored.

Without recriminations, take a separate piece of paper and notice all the events that come up more than once or twice. List all the inconveniences that keep popping up to hinder your stress-reduction efforts, along with a note of how often you have to deal with them.

Step 2 – Write Down Your Routine

Set aside the list of repeat stresses for a moment. Starting with the bare minimum events, list out your routine for the day. Start with when you get up, including important steps like meals, work, travel time and the like. List approximately how long each takes, and what times you usually engage in these activities.

Step 3 – Assign Times

Now that you have these two frameworks written out, it’s time to combine the two.

Remember that having specific times to do things is the strongest way to build a routine. Equally, trying to squeeze in events that are stressful without making them part of a scheduled timeframe is a way to amplify stress. Therefore, take advantage of scheduling to help reduce the impact of stressful events.

For example, some of us might be going to school to get that all-important degree. However, real life often gets in the way and few of us have the luxury of going to school full time without other matters to deal with. Thus, schoolwork gets shoved around until the last minute, and then we’re panicking and it’s stressing us out more than it needs to.

Instead, find a time between work and school, and schedule it as an inviolate time to sit down and tackle at least one part of your homework. Set an alert on your computer or cell phone if the reminder will help, and sit down to do the work. Make sure it’s the same time every day to emphasize that part of your routine.

Then, after only three weeks of this, it is likely that you will have internalized the event. It will no longer be “oh, nuts, I forgot homework…” Instead, it will feel like a part of your life, something that belongs to you and is firmly under your control.

Step 4 – Delegate!

As much as the world wants us to believe that we can all be supermen and do everything we put our minds to, we cannot. We’re human beings with limits, needs, and distinct abilities – and that is OK. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging our limits.

Maybe the house is just too messy to tackle on our own. Between work, school, the family and trying to exercise more often, we just don’t have the energy to get to it, but we don’t want it to get worse, either. Hire someone. Offer a friend a meal and 25 bucks to help you tear through the garage, or hire a short-term housecleaner while you get your schedule in order.

Whatever way you do it, asking for help is not a weakness, it’s a tool in your kit of ways to reduce stress. Once you know what you can handle, don’t feel bad about delegating the rest to others.

Editor’s Note: Article previously published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

This is one of the most important stress management tools available in our toolkit. We have a tendency to be our own worst critics, particularly when we make mistakes. We do something wrong, a minor problem arises and then everyone but us moves on. We dwell on it and beat ourselves up, and make more trouble for ourselves than is necessary – all while no one else likely remembers it.

Therefore, let’s look at a healthy habit we can build to help combat our internal perceptions with external information.

Step One – Resolve the Problem

Taking care of whatever it was that triggered the event is always a good first step. If you forgot to file something, file it the moment you remember. If you inadvertently hurt someone, apologize for the slight, and so on.

Getting the immediate meat of the problem dealt with can help change the way we consider things. Yes, we made a mistake. However, we also corrected that mistake promptly and took the time to make things right. This is a powerful piece of ammunition in battling internal misperceptions, so make a habit of immediately solving what problems you can take care of.

Step Two – Think it Through

If your problems are still bothering you after you’ve taken care of any immediate matters, it’s time to think them through critically. Ask yourself why you’re worrying so much about them. Ask yourself if anyone else has been bothered by it as long as you have.

Part of this exercise includes a writing step. Take out two cards. On the first card, write down the three categories that are most bothering you. This could be anything, ranging from your productivity at work, your friendliness and so forth. Then rate these 1-5 on the first card, with 1 being negative, 3 being neutral and 5 being positive. This will give you an idea of how you feel about things in a relatively objective fashion.

Step Three – Gather Information

Remember when we asked you to find a support person in your family or friends to help you with things? Take them the second, blank, card and ask them to rate it without telling them your ratings. Once you have the information, compare the notes and see if there’s a difference in the numbers. Usually, since we’re our own harshest critics, we’ll find that we’ve rated ourselves worse than our support person.

Step Four – Talk it Out

If there isn’t much of a difference, it’s time to talk. Ask them for advice, or information on what the problem might be. Sometimes an external word can offer you a perspective on solving your problem that makes things simpler.

However, in most cases you’ll find that you’ve rated yourself much harder than your support partner. In this case, it is also time to talk. Before you tell them how you feel, ask them if they could tell you their reasons for their ratings about the matter. Listen carefully, and use their words to silence your inner critic. Let them know how you rated yourself and why. Then just have a frank talk about things and see what advice they have to offer, or whether just talking helps calm you down.

This is the part of the process that breaks the internal loop. You suddenly have new information that changes what you have to think about. As in the above example, just a little thought and a little external input makes you see things that were always there, but that may not have been as obvious before. This conversation session is where some of the best results can be had.

Step Five – Repeat and Adjust

Whenever you find yourself falling prey to that negative spiral of self-critique, ask your support partner for a comparison check. Use the card the first few times, and make sure to compare how often and how much your opinion and your supporter’s differ. Later, you can do aside with this step and begin just having the conversations, once you feel more comfortable.

As you keep repeating this step, you can see the trends in your thinking and the trends in your partner’s thinking. This will allow you to make decisions about things, and be able to honestly tell yourself that you’re overreacting, and thinking about things in a way that no one else does. This will let you quiet those troublesome thoughts and bring your perceptions under control.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Just like all of our other behaviors, confidence also is a habit. It’s a way of thinking that, if we cultivate it properly, will become automatic. People with more confidence try more things, take more risks and have more experiences overall than those of us without it. So let’s look at a few ways we can cultivate that kind of confidence for ourselves.

Confidence Booster 1 – Knowing Your Abilities

Honesty is the most important part of having a proper confidence habit. There are things we definitely can do, and things we definitely cannot. We can believe all we want that eating while standing up “doesn’t count,” but the calories still go in! Similarly, just because we’re afraid that we can’t do something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. We might be convinced that we’ll drown the moment we go into a pool, but stepping into the water will prove we’re wrong.

To that end, sit down with yourself and go over your goals and steps you’ve broken your diet plan down into. Look at each one, and come up with two different things that might get in your way of achieving them. Then immediately write down one way you know you can circumvent each potential problem. If it’s a friend who insists on super whippy frothy coffee desserts, consider asking them if you can meet at a different venue while you’re working on your weight loss.

Do this every single day. Pick out a specific goal, one obstacle and a resolution to that obstacle every morning when you get started. This will get your mind in the habit of thinking about your abilities and what you can do with them, rather than the problems and confidence-crushing hindrances that slow you down. Make sure you do it at the same time every morning to strengthen the habit-building potential of it.

Confidence Booster 2 – Review Your Successes

Nothing in the world boosts confidence like success. Verbal affirmations of your self worth are a good step, but they’re infinitely more powerful when you have something to reflect on when you make them. Equally, successes become more meaningful when rewarded with congratulations, yet often we are the ones least inclined to congratulate ourselves. Stop withholding well-deserved praise from yourself and start acknowledging what you’ve done right.

Whenever you take a positive step toward your goal, whether that’s refusing the large portion for the small one or successfully exercising the “wait 20 minutes” option during a snack craving, compliment yourself for it. Whether aloud or in the privacy of your thoughts, praise yourself for a job well done.

At the end of the day, review all the successes you made. You’ve probably already gone over the mistakes, so those don’t need retreading. Instead, focus on each little victory and take pride in it, knowing that it helped you one step along your way.

Confidence Booster 3 – Set Goals and Hit Them Again

Repetition and routine are the best methods of solidifying a good, powerful habit that will help when losing weight. We’ve discussed setting goals, and complimenting yourself for achieving them, so now let’s talk about repeating them. After all, what’s more impressive – hitting the bull’s eye, or hitting it 10 times?

To that end, take some time when you wake up to remember the successes from yesterday. After pausing to compliment yourself again for them, affirm that you’re going to take the same step today. You did it once, after all; it’s entirely within your grasp to do it again. If you think you can, go a step further and affirm an expansion to the goal as well.

This pattern will help you build a habit of consistently seeing your accomplishments as something that you can do and have done, and make you want to do them again. Then, as you get comfortable hitting the mark, you’ll naturally want to expand it, hitting a higher goal, until it becomes the one you meet every day.

Confidence Booster 4 – Review the Plan

An interesting study recently showed that people who focus only on their end goal don’t tend to succeed as much as those who focus on the goal and the steps in between. Yes, we all want to get to a place where we feel better, and fit into a nicer set of clothes, but if we choose to focus only on the little swimsuit, we’re going to inevitably look at ourselves and think, “How will I ever…”

Remember that you have a plan. You’re not trying to make a leap; you’ve got many small steps in between that you’re going to take. You don’t have to lose fifty pounds today; you just have to replace your usual afternoon candy bar with a healthy sandwich, or a pack of low-salt nuts. You can take that step – that’s easy! By reviewing the plan, and focusing both on the intermediate steps AND the goal, you make the goal seem that much more approachable, and you will find your confidence soaring.

Author’s Note: This article published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day weight loss program at weight loss program today and change your life.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Simply trying not to think about the problem doesn’t necessarily help, either. Studies suggest that simply trying to ignore a thought process doesn’t work; in fact, it can lead to thinking more about the very thing we’re trying to forget. This builds and builds, until we’re so worried about the past that we can’t live in the present like we’re meant to, and the stress of things that aren’t relevant anymore is still tearing us apart.

What’s needed is a system – a way of approaching the problem piece by piece and addressing each part until we can settle it logically.

Step One – Interrupt the Thoughts

As we’ve discussed before, good habits can be built on other good habits. They reinforce one another, each one making the others stronger and more resilient. To that end, if you find yourself endlessly replaying your bad conversations, interrupt the cycle with the STOP method we’ve discussed before.

Say “Stop” aloud: This verbal affirmation serves as a trigger for the habit and a reminder to yourself.

Take a Breath and a Breather: Give yourself a few seconds to practice your deep breathing habit and get your body’s physical responses under control, then take five minutes to unwind and explicitly focus on something uplifting and soothing.

Own Your Outcome: Remember to list several of the goals you’ve set for yourself, as well as the next step you’re going to take to make them yours.

Praise Yourself: Go over what you’ve accomplished thus far, including the most recent steps you’ve taken toward your goals.

Again, this will reinforce the strength of the STOP method overall, allowing you to integrate it more fully into your habit-building process. After thirty days of practice, it will seem like second nature.

Step Two – Analyze the Thoughts

Remember that thinking things through logically helps defeat illogical worries and unnecessary stresses. If we can contextualize the problems we’re dealing with, they can’t do as much damage and never seem quite as worrying as they did before we thought them through.

Once you’ve used the STOP method, take a moment to go over your thoughts thus far, piece by piece.

First, ask yourself why the event happened the way it did. Look at the whole matter fairly and objectively. What reasons could the other parties have had for reacting like they did? What are some good reasons they might have had, and what are some bad ones? Why did you react the way you did? What were your reasons, good or bad?

Be fair in your assessment, both to yourself and the other party. There’s nothing to be gained from inaccurate, angry criticism. To make this an approachable habit that’s easy to integrate, break it into small steps. First, think about the problem as a whole, then list one good and bad reason for your actions and the other parties’ actions. Three easy steps make this a habit that’s simple to adopt.

Step Three – Make a Wish

Now that you’ve gotten the problem into context, consider ways to use it as a learning experience. Given the benefit of time, distance and perspective, what do you wish you had done instead?

Worrying about and regretting the choice you made is a good sign that you might have made the wrong choice, so take some time to consider it. Was there something you might have said that would have made more sense? Would a calmer reaction have made the situation better? Write down several wishes you have for how the situation might have gone instead.

Also, consider another option. If one of your wishes can be fulfilled now, do so! Even late, good actions are a great way to make amends.

Step Four – Resolve to do Better

With the scope of the problem firmly in mind, and with your wishes stated for how it might have gone instead, it’s time to take the next step. Very specifically, write down your biggest regrets about the situation. Confront your worries realistically, be they about the situation itself, about how you handled it or about what’s come about as a result of the encounter. Then make a decision about each one.

If your problem was your tone, dedicate yourself to exercising control of your voice the next time you have an argument. If your regret lies in not listening, resolve to be more attentive to what others have to say every time you speak to someone. Then tear the paper up and set it aside. If the worries try to push themselves back into your head, say “that was then, this is now,” and find a way to act on one of your affirmative resolutions.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Celebrity Perfumes and Colognes have always been popular. Examples of these perfumes are those named after Calvin Klein, Burberry, Estee Lauber, Victorias Secret, Sara Jessica Parker and Elizabeth Taylor. These perfumes are available in single bottles or sets.

Single Perfumes for Women

Celine Dion Perfume was mixed according to Celine’s preference. She wanted a perfume that truly represents her spirit and love for herself and for the special persons in her life. She values her music because it touches lives of so many people and she hopes that the scent of her perfume would add to her passion. Celine Dion perfume was introduced in February 2003. Its fragrance is mild and is a wood and flower mixture that leaves you feeling clean and refreshed for the rest of the day.

Viva La Juicy Perfume by Juicy Couture is from the famous designers who used plush, knitted fabric into a trendy suit. Just like their suit, their perfume is just right for trendy women of today. A mixture of fruity and floral scents, the perfume is composed of extracts from juicy mandarin, wild berries, gardenia, jasmine, and honeysuckle. On the other hand, the base is combination of amber, caramel, sandalwood, pralines, and vanilla. This is available in 3.4 oz per bottle.

Just like Paris Hilton, the Paris Hilton Perfume is truly unique and chic. It was launched last 2004. It is perfect for an evening date or can also be put on daily. Paris Hilton Perfume is a fusion of fruit and flower extracts such as muguet, tuberose, apple, mimosa, peach, jasmine, and freesia. Its base is a mixture of musk, ylangylang, oakmoss, and sandalwood.? This perfume spray is also available in 3.4oz per bottle.

Also introduced in 2004, Curious Perfume by Britney Spears brings a sexy and romantic smell perfect for modern women. It has a strong scent of floral from Louisiana magnolia extracts with musk and vanilla mixed in. This perfume is presented in a 3.3oz spray bottle.

Single Perfumes for Men

In 2008, Signature For Him Cologne by David Beckham was presented. It has a characteristic smell of the Orient that is perfect for sexy men. Its fragrance has notes of watermelon, sea, and mandarin, while the heart consists of South African bush lantana blossom, cypress and juniper; and the base is a mixture of white amber, oak moss, and patchouli. This is available in 2.5oz spray bottle.

Ed Hardy Cologne by Christian Audigier is unique because of its colorful effects that represent Ed Hardy’s tattoo art. The scent smells floral and woody yet very masculine. The 3.4oz spray bottle is a mixture of citrus scents such as mandarin and bergamot with a mix of sage and zesty thuja aromas. Aside from the compelling concert of scents, it is also an art because of the outburst of colors. The smell is as refreshing as mint mixed with sensual musk.

Celebrity Perfumes in Gift Sets

The eternal fame of Estee Lauder has touched generations of women ever since 1985. The Beautiful Perfume Set is one of the best flowery perfumes ever loved by women all over the world. Its very womanly fragrance is comprised of fresh extracts from rose, jasmine, and carnation. To add more charm, fruity notes of plum, peach, melon and citrus is added to the flower scent. This scent is recommended after a bath and will surely last for the rest of the day. Each gift bag includes one bottle spray of 1oz perfume and 3.4oz body lotion.

As for the masculine scent, Obsession Gift Set by Calvin Klein is highly recommended especially for men in the workplace. Each set contains a 4oz cologne spray, and 2.5oz each of After Shave Balm, Deo Stick, and Body Wash. CK was launched in 1986 and its fresh oriental fragrance have never been erased in the memory of both men and women who loved it. It is a mix of clove, lavender, mandarin, nutmeg, and amber.

Author’s Note: This article published here.

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To find these and hundreds of other great gift selections for all occasions, visit us online at http://www.LoveThoseGifts.com/ Always New Arrivals and Gifts On Sale. Written by Robert Moore.

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Breathing is central to the way the body processes energy, for a start. Oxygen processed by the lungs is used to release energy from stored cells, just like it releases heat energy in the form of fire. This is why we find ourselves breathing faster in a crisis – our body senses that we might need energy quickly and is stepping up production.

Knowing this, we can turn breathing from something that just happens automatically into a powerful, stress-controlling habit that allows us to regulate the way our body processes its energy. By focusing and steadying our breathing to a slower, more reasonable pace, we reduce the rush of energy we’re experiencing and bring our emotions more under control. For those of us looking to reduce stress in our lives, following are a few tips on how to make breathing into a life-affirming habit.

Tip #1 – Practice!

Breathing is largely an automatic system, making the idea of practicing seem a bit odd at first. However, all habits take some time to fit into our lives. For example, consider our S.T.O.P. method: It has a very specific purpose, but it can be awkward the first few times we use it. However, by using it and practicing it whenever we can, we soon find it becoming second nature.

As with all important habits, timing is key. Schedule a specific time of the day that you will practice your breathing. It doesn’t have to be a long period, any specific time set aside becomes cemented in the mind with only a few repetitions. The key is to make it the same time every day, to help mold the habit into the flow of your life.

Tip #2 – Go Slow

As we said earlier, breathing quickly releases more energy. Nervous energy is a big part of negative stress, so take advantage of slowing your breathing to help control it.

During your exercise time, take a moment to lie down. Start small, with an easy step that you can manage. Breathe in, counting to three as you do, and then exhale for three seconds as well. Continue doing this until it feels comfortable and natural, and then gradually increase the time by three seconds. Never force it, if you feel that six or nine seconds is too long, go back to a smaller interval. As with all habits, shocking your body is not the way to do it – give yourself time to adjust and adapt.

Tip #3 – Use the S.T.O.P. Method

In another article, we discuss the S.T.O.P. method of controlling negative emotions. There is a wonderful opportunity to combine the S.T.O.P. method and breathing control into the same process, helping reinforce each habit with the other. Habits are strongest when they’re part of an integrated system, rather than standing on their own.

So, when negative thoughts come to mind and you reach for the S.T.O.P. process, take a slow, measured breath as well. Breathe in slowly, and exhale slowly, repeating several times to relax yourself. Your feelings of calm and relaxation will make the S.T.O.P. method more effective, and the S.T.O.P. instinct will remind you that breathing is important as well.

Tip #4 – Be Observant

Taking time to control your breathing every day is important, but equally important is observing how stress affects your breathing, and vice versa.

Throughout your day, take a few seconds here and there to see how your breathing compares between different events. Do you breathe differently at the beginning of the day compared to the end? How did the big surprise project that came up at work affect your breathing rhythm? How much did using a breath control technique help you cope with sudden changes? Knowing little things like this can help you adjust your breathing exercises for the maximum effect that you need.

Tip #5 – Take a Breather… Literally

You don’t need to reserve breath control methods for crisis situations. Yes, breath control is a valuable tool in these events, and can help you calm down. Conversely, it can also help you perk up and get the lift you need when you feel overwhelmed.

If you’re in the middle of a big project, but have a few seconds to take a break, remember to work a short breathing exercise into the moment. It doesn’t have to be long, simply give yourself one minute to practice breathing in and out in short, measured pulses. This will help you moderate and control the energy you’re using and will relieve that ‘long grind’ tension that can come with a tough work day.

Above all, take every opportunity to practice that you can find. Stick to one five-minute breathing workout per day, but also find time to stop, take a steadying breath and then continue on when you can. The extra effort will make the 30 days it takes to solidify this habit seem to breeze right by.

Editor’s Note: Also published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

The human mind is an incredible tool with the ability to envision all kinds of scenarios, and it is this capacity that can be your best ally or worst enemy as you’re trying to combat stress. After all, stress that’s caused by warranted things such as an emergency or an unexpectedly hard day at the office is troublesome enough, so why would we want to invent stress?

We’re going to discuss a few ways to turn our mind from an enemy into our friend. We’ve discussed the S.T.O.P. method in another article, and this technique builds on that tool. Once we’re in the habit of calling out our bad thoughts and pushing them out of the way, it’s time to put good thoughts and positive visualizations in their place. The mind will fill up emptiness with more thoughts, so why not use these techniques to make sure they’re thoughts that help, not hinder?

Visual Aid #1 – See the Goal

Remember that we’re not taking all these steps just to make our life more complicated or make ourselves feel bad! We each have a goal to reach, and these steps are part of the trip to that goal. So visualize yourself succeeding, and see yourself how you want to be. Imagine how good it will be to wake up not worrying about the rest of the day, and how great it will feel to go to bed knowing you have a handle on your problems.

As we know, stress has a major effect on our bodies. Too much of it can make us tense up, leading to bad posture and muscle aches or cramps. Imagine a good night’s sleep without those aches and pains, or without the headache that comes from worrying about a problem for hours and hours. See the goal, and keep it in mind.

Visual Aid #2 – See the Steps

There’s a trick that some runners use to keep themselves on track during a long course. Sometimes the goal does feel very far away, and it can be hard to see yourself getting from ‘here’ to ‘there’ at any one moment. Runners deal with this by picking out a landmark or feature a few minutes ahead of them, and choosing to reach it for the time being. The long journey then becomes a series of smaller stints that the runner can manage, and before long the finish line is in sight.

This is a powerful technique that works for visualizing efforts too. While you’re considering the goal, it might occur to you that all those nice results are a bit far away. Don’t panic, and instead start visualizing the steps toward that goal. Consider the important ones you’ve already made, and look to the next one. This will give you insights about how easy the course really is, and give you the courage to make each small step that will build up to those strong habits, a day or a week at a time.

Visual Aid #3 – See Your Friends and Family

A big part of why we don’t want to be stressed out is the effect it has on our friends and family. We miss out on fun activities because of stress headaches, we snap at someone when maybe we shouldn’t, or we are so distracted and irritated that we simply forget how much fun our loved ones can be.

As your next visual technique, spend a little time each day thinking about how your newfound outlook will help your family. Imagine being able to say ‘yes’ to more enjoyement because stress headaches are a thing of the past. Visualize how you want your evenings with your loved ones to be, instead of how they often end up because of stress. Remember that a small, conscious bit of time devoted to each step, each day will build up your habit into a rock-solid lifestyle.

Visual Aid #4 – See It Can Be Done

Some of us aren’t naturally visual people, or so we say. We’ve tried and tried to visualize things, but it just doesn’t work. However, don’t you find it easy to visualize how easily things can go wrong? Or even if it is true that you can’t really see, is it genuinely because it’s something you can’t do, or is it just something you can’t do–yet?

Any habit is hard to get into at first. Remember that it can take about sixty days for a habit to cement in your life sometimes. Try it, even if it seems to come hard. If you can’t visualize it in your mind, draw something on a fresh page of your stress log, even if it’s just a small smiley face with a note about something you found positive today. These little steps will add up, and will become much more natural as the days and weeks go on.

A Last Note

Sometimes, our visual mind doesn’t work on its own, but responds well to other people?s visuals. Ask someone to share a thought or a visual with you, about how to fight stress. This can be a ‘stress buddy’ or a family member, or even someone you only just met. Take their idea and run with it, and see where the thoughts take you. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck, and here’s to stress free living.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Some of our most distracting worries aren’t even the current ones. Frequently we’ll drag ourselves down by worrying about tomorrow and whether we’re really ready for it, or we’ll fail to get things done today because we’re still beating ourselves up for the gaffe we made yesterday, or for not doing something we planned on doing. If we’re going to make the best of our efforts to relieve stress and get to where we want to be, we need to make a habit of making the most out of the present, instead of letting time-traveling worries get the best of us.

Step #1 – You’re OK

One mistake we often fall into is trying to stop thinking about something without substituting anything in its place. This isn’t really possible, because the act of trying to stop thinking means you are thinking. For example, try to go 10 minutes without thinking about a polar bear on a beach. It’s hard, isn’t it?

Instead, substitute a positive thought for the negative ones. When you feel yourself worrying about tomorrow or fretting about something that happened, interrupt the process. Take a deep, steadying breath, and say aloud “I am OK now.” What happened has happened, you can’t change it. What’s going to happen isn’t here yet, and there’s probably time to plan for it. Instead, focus yourself on what’s good in the here and now, and remind yourself of it.

Step #2 – Physical Reminders

Habits grow stronger when they have a physical component to go along with the action themselves. The reason many religious rituals are so ingrained into our culture is the physical parts that reinforce the idea and help build the habit. Take advantage of this by carrying around an “I’m OK” card.

On one side of the card, write “I’m OK” along with three reasons. “I’m OK because… there’s food in the house,” or “I’m OK because… I live in a beautiful neighborhood to walk in.” Your reasons can be your own, but make sure they appeal to you and your sense of well-being.

On the other side of the card, write down three things you’ve accomplished recently. Big or small ? doesn’t matter, just put down something you’ve managed to do. Once you’ve verified your reasons for being OK, flip over and remind yourself of your progress and that it’s helped bring you to the point of being OK. Do this every time you start to worry about the past, present or future, and build a steady habit of controlling your thoughts.

Step #3 – Take “Now” Actions

As we’ve said, activities can help bring your thoughts to the present instead of stuck in time travel mode. Play a game with your family, or play with a pet. These activities will force you to the present, and keep your mind focused on something specific.

Alternatively, stop and read a book for a few minutes. It doesn’t have to be a long time, just enough time to start following the plot of the story instead of worrying about problems that are either gone or not yet here. Interestingly, our brains can process things on multiple levels. When we sleep or relax, our brains aren’t completely “off.” They’re often working on our problems behind the scenes without bothering our conscious mind. So let your brain do the work for you while you enjoy yourself and live in the moment.

Step #4 – Be Impulsive

Our thoughts get into patterns, just like our behaviors do. Sometimes even a verbal interruption and a look at our card isn’t going to be a drastic enough change. This is OK, because that isn’t their purpose. Those steps and habit-building behaviors are intended to work gradually over an extended period of time. They mold our behavior steadily. However, sometimes you need more of a shock to get things worked on.

Take a day off of work if you have it, and go somewhere exciting. Ride a roller coaster at an amusement park, or go see a really great movie you’ve been considering for a bit. Do something outside your normal routine and force your mind to engage with it. This can help you get your mind in the right context to make your smaller, more gradual steps more effective the next day.

Step #5 – Talk it Up

Sometimes, we need a little help. Building a habit can be easier when we have a partner, after all. Make a point of talking to someone about how good things are, and how things are working out for you. A conversation focused on the present is a great way to get your attention centered in the here and now.

As with all habits, talking works best when it’s part of a routine. Make an appointment for the same time of day or time of week to meet with your talking buddy. Have a nice, no-strings and no-worries chat over coffee every Friday, and let your mind relax from its time traveling worries.

Editor’s Note: Article published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

What’s the problem, then?

To be entirely fair without being harsh, we are the problem. More accurately, it’s our inability to say no. We accept new burdens because we want to be helpful. We take on harder projects because we think we can handle it if we just work it out properly. And we acquiesce to little requests because, after all, they aren’t that big of a deal, are they?

Soon enough, we’ve said yes to so many things that there isn’t enough time to do all of them healthily. We end up cutting into our sleeping, eating and recreational time to make room for all of our big activities, and in the end we suffer for it. For some reason, the idea of cutting out some of our excess commitments doesn’t seem to occur to us. However, if reducing stress really is the goal, it’s time that we learn to use the power of a well phrased ‘no.’

Making No a Habit

Step 1 – Start Thinking

Put an automatic moratorium on any request that doesn’t give you time to think about things. If it’s anything larger than handing a bit of paper to your coworker because they’re out, ask for five minutes to think about it. For bigger issues, ask for more time to think things over, up to an entire day or even a week.

In many cases, the problem lies in accepting requests automatically. Someone presents their case to you and sounds like they genuinely need help, so you say ‘well, alright,’ and automatically bend yourself to their need. Then they know they can rely on you, so they come again, and you say yes again… and you can see where this is leading.

If the request is genuinely important ? but not an emergency ? it can allow for a bit of time that you can use to think things over. Thinking about the problem might allow you to see a different solution, or recommend someone who has less on his or her plate, or even that you really can’t say yes after all. Sometimes the best ‘no’ is phrased as, ‘not right now.’ Make it as automatic as saying yes was previously; no matter what they ask, tell them you’ll deal with it after you’ve had a chance to think. This will help you build the habit as a strong, reliable defense mechanism.

Step 2 – Stop Small

One of the easiest ways to get into trouble with time management is in accepting small requests for your time automatically, because they’re so small. After all, they don’t take up much time and aren’t asking a whole lot, so why not?

However, we’ve discussed how every behavior can become a habit. If we begin saying yes to small requests on our time without thinking about them, we train ourselves into a habit of doing so, even when it might be advisable not to do it.

As an example of the impact a small request can have, consider a day you have planned out. You get up, make breakfast, see the family off to school and go to work. You have your day planned out so you can leave work a few minutes early and go home, thus beating the rush hour, when someone asks if you’ll just real quick run this one file upstairs, it won’t take half a second. Then you get caught in the rush, and you get home feeling frazzled. Only a small inconvenience perhaps, but imagine what will happen when you make it a habit, day in and day out?

Start finding ways to politely decline small requests, because you don’t want them to become a very big headache.

Step 3 – Start Committing

We all make plans. Plans are a good thing; they help us order our lives and tasks so that we can spend less time doing what we don’t like and the most time doing what we love. It’s when these plans go awry that stress begins to make itself known, and this is the very worst time to bend on our convictions.

We do have a right to stick to our plans. Yes, perhaps we haven’t seen our friends in a while and it wouldn’t take that long to have a fun night out, but maybe we really did just want that nice quiet dinner at home with our favorite album playing and the phone turned off. No one has an inarguable right to our time, and just because someone asked is no reason to derail our plans.

There’s never any call to be rude, of course, but there is plenty of call to be firm. If you’ve made plans and your first gut reaction to any request to change them is, ‘but I was going to…’ then politely say, ?I’m sorry, but I have plans.? Don’t feel you have to explain them. Often times doing so will invite the interrupter to compare or dismiss them. Simply state you have plans, and they can’t be changed. Do not bend on it. Keep it up for those first three weeks that are needed to build a good starting habit. Soon enough, saying ‘no’ will become so easy that the times you do say yes will be all the more meaningful.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin