Stop Stressing – Stressors and Themes

We’ve talked about stress and the elements that bring it into our lives, or stressors. Identifying our stressors can be a powerful first step, for obvious reasons – if we know what’s giving us grief, we can take steps to put it out of our way, resolve it or come to terms with it. Even in the cases where we can’t totally remove a stressor, such as a confrontational coworker, we can find ways to moderate its influence. In the case of such a coworker, for instance, we might find time to talk things out with them and ask them to ease up, or identify something that’s bothering them and help reduce it in hopes that they become more amenable.

One of the most important ways to identify stressors and their role is to figure out their theme. A theme is a sort of thread that ties seemingly different elements into the same whole. What seems like many problems is actually just one related, overall problem. Once we know our major stress themes, we can begin taking more appropriate big-picture steps along with smaller ones.

Getting Started

If you’ve been keeping up with your stress log, there’s good news: You’ve already started identifying your stressors!

Remember that we asked you to note down everything, no matter how trivial, that was causing you stress. Record keeping is an important step, because it allows you to see the picture both in terms of raw information and in terms of time elapsed. Now that you have a week or more of information in your log, it’s time to start arranging it by theme. The following themes are in no particular order of importance, as each has an impact on you.

Theme 1 – Time

For this theme, look at the various stressors and see what the times involved with them are. Which ones persisted over the whole week, day after day? Which ones popped up at random but didn’t last very long?

Long-term stressors are those that don’t change: good examples include a major project at work that requires a good deal of your attention and trouble with your car or money issues that make it hard to get important things done. Short-term stressors are those that arise and are dealt with, but still interrupt things even if they’re only around for a day or two.

Theme 2 – People

It’s a fact that most of the stress in our lives comes from other people. From the person who can’t seem to get things done and comes to you for help to the driver who cut you off and nearly caused a wreck to get through a red light, people introduce a random element to our lives that can make coping something similar to a demanding ballet performance.

So, as your next theme, mark down your stressors as related to the people that introduced them. This will allow you to see if any particular names keep popping up. Remember to include the most minor elements too – even if you want to be generous-minded, you’re trying to make a realistic assessment with the log, so don’t exclude someone just because you want to be nice. Even if they a legitimate reason for introducing stress to your life, it’s still stress and you need to be honest about it.

Theme 3 – Places

Humans are an associative species. We don’t realize it all the time, but we often relate our feelings to our location. If we’re always arguing at home, we feel unconsciously uncomfortable when we’re home even if an argument isn’t immediately going on. If we got sick eating a certain food, being around that food again might make us feel sick even if there’s nothing wrong with it this time.

So, write down the places associated with each stressor you come across. See if any major consistencies arise about where your worst stressors seem to be.

Theme 4 – Intensity

How much did a stressor bother you? Did it just annoy you for a few moments, or did it induce an outright panic attack because it was so important and seemed to come out of nowhere? Was your reaction somewhere in between these extremes, or do you tend to go toward the far ends of reaction immediately?

Knowing how much an event affected you is important. Dealing with stress can be done multiple ways; some people like to tackle all the small problems and get them out of the way, others want to dismantle their biggest grievance so they have the energy to handle the rest of the problems that come up during the day. Devise a 1-5 scale of your choosing, and rank your stressors on it accordingly.

Finally, Analyze

Having put all the information into one of these four themes, sit down at the same time each week to go over the information you’ve gathered. Making it an appointment is crucial to turning this into a habit rather than forcing it to fit into your life.

Compare two themes at a time, to start. Do certain people seem to inflict longer-term stressors on you? Do your most intense stressors seem to happen at work, or at home? Compare them in any combination you wish, and you’ll begin to see the patterns emerge. This use of themes will help you identify where the most action is needed, so that you can begin taking steps without feeling lost.

Editor’s Note: This article published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Losing Weight – A Body in Motion

Newton tells us that a body in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon; likewise, a body at rest will stay at rest until acted upon. This gives us a powerful metaphor for the difficulties of getting into a proper, healthy exercise habit that can help shed weight and keep it off.

Habits can work both for and against us. They build up every single day, one way or another. If we don’t take specific action, we’re going to find ourselves stuck in the bad habits that have held us back for so long. However, if we can break the mold and get ourselves into a good, strong routine of healthy habits, we will find they are much easier to maintain. This applies just as much to exercise as to any other habit we have in mind. Taking it step by step (literally!) can make all the difference in the world.

Step 1 – Start Small, but Start NOW

The nice thing about exercise habit-building is that exercise is actually very easy. It may seem counter-intuitive, but you can start exercising the moment you wake up.

When you wake up, you tend to stretch. Turn this into a routine, rather than a reflex. When you wake up, start with the legs. Rotate the ankles, then flex and stretch the calves and the thighs. Move up to your middle and torso, and work out to your arms, stretching everything from shoulders to fingers. Then reverse the process and work your way back down. This can be done in as little as two or three minutes.

Taking the time to begin exercising right when you wake up gets your mind in a proper, habit building attitude right from the get go. You aren’t fitting it in where you can, but ordering your day around it. Remember that habit-building works best when done at the same time every day, so what better time than first thing each morning?

Step 2 – Every Day, Do Something

We’ve all seen commercials promising spectacular results with a certain machine and 20 minutes of exercise three times a week. While it’s true that even three sessions a week can offer some benefits, it’s hard to build habits when you keep interrupting yourself with days off.

Instead, find a way to exercise just a little, every single day. Power walk to the mailbox and back to the house. Belt out 15 sit-ups and push-ups before you get into the shower or have breakfast. Park further out from work or the store than usual.

These are all small ways you can work “extra” exercise into your day. They build up the mindfulness that every day is an opportunity, and create the associations that make the habit a daily occurrence, rather than a periodic event.

Step 3 – Pick your Time, Keep your Time

While taking extra opportunities for exercise is a good part of healthy workout habits, this can’t be the only tool in your arsenal. The key to habit-building early on is proper scheduling. When we do the same thing at the same time, it builds into the habit we need it to be.

So pick a time every day to do some exercise. It doesn’t always have to be the same exercise, either. You could alternate strength exercises such as push-ups and sit-ups one day with cardio exercises – which are great for burning fat – the next day.

Whichever specific exercise you choose, make sure to stick with it at the same time. Let people know in advance, immediately, once you set your time. Tell them you’d love to visit the new Italian restaurant together or work with them on important projects, but this time is sacrosanct and important to you. Don’t compromise it for anything short of a genuine emergency. Your wishes are just as important as theirs, so treat them with the same respect.

Step 4 – Build on It

So far we’ve discussed a few simple ways to begin working exercise into your life. We start with stretches in the morning and a few light push-ups or sit-ups to get the heart moving. The next step is to increase the difficulty. The number five is a wonderful benchmark. Going from 15 push-ups to 20 is easy to do, only five more, but it provides a measurable step up the ladder of working out. Add five reps or minutes to your routine every few days to see if you can push yourself further, and you’ll be amazed what you can accomplish.

Additionally, you can build on your routine to include others beyond just yourself. We’ve talked before about having a support partner or friend to help encourage you along. If this friend wants to spend some time hanging out, invite them to exercise with you. You can have a nice chat between exercises, and you’ll have the shared experience of doing something that benefits you both, while also having a chance to be with a friend. This will create a pleasurable feeling, and make the appointment to exercise that much more fun to anticipate.

Good luck!

Editor’s Note: This article published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day weight loss program today and change your life.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – Finding Choices

It’s hard to make a good choice instead of a bad one. It can be even harder to go back and undo a bad choice that we made some time ago. Instead, many times we stubbornly reinforce it again and again, letting it build up over time to continue burying us in worry, regret and stress.

Now is the time to think differently about all that and allow ourselves to re-evaluate everything we had understood as fact. This is not an easy process, but if we genuinely want to build lifelong habits that will benefit us and reduce the amount of stress in our lives, we have to look seriously at every aspect of those lives and improve them. Nothing can be left unexamined, because everything we are and everything we do affects us.

Step 1 – Question Everything

Nothing is off limits when considering how we want things to improve. Every decision we’ve made has affected our lives in some way.

We have gotten used to assuming that some things are beyond questioning. Perhaps we feel we made the decision so long ago that it’s silly to dig it back up now. They might be too ingrained; we’re so used to living this way and making this choice that we don’t know how we’d do things differently. They might seem too big; how can we ever go about even getting started approaching something like that, let alone changing it?

This attitude is poisonous to good habit making. It allows us to defer mental responsibility, trapping us in a cycle that has left us miserable and stressed out. It is time to break that cycle wide open. Accept that nothing is off-limits to fair consideration, and you’ll have found the first step on the right path.

As the first part of building this habit, every time you find yourself trying to mentally change the subject from something you think is off limits, use the STOP technique and halt your thoughts, then make yourself consider the matter at hand.

Step 2 – Accept Responsibility

Often, we feel powerless about the things that have happened. Yet, every step is a decision. Perhaps you are stuck in a job you don’t like. When was the last time you applied for another one? When was the last time you updated your resume or CV and shopped it around for offers?

Well, you might say, that isn’t my choice. If I could choose, I’d have another job, naturally. But the economy is uncertain and the company’s been loyal, and I don’t feel that it’d be prudent…

These are all understandable reasons, but they are reasons you’re using to make a choice. Regardless of how it might seem, there is no one with a gun forcing you to stay at the job. You can quit if you feel like it. The consequences might seem undesirable, but that’s just information, not something forcing you or taking your choice away.

Every time you feel yourself starting to say you don’t have a choice, use the STOP method again. Take a few breaths, and then make yourself consider the choices you made, and accept that you have brought yourself to where you are. It isn’t an indictment, it’s not a criticism, it’s accepting the truth. The truth is always the best foundation to end bad habits and build good ones.

Step 3 – Consider Choices

It can be frightening thinking about the alternatives to where we are. Regardless of what might be out there for us to seek, what we have now might be attractive all the same. Perhaps it’s not the best, but maybe it works. Sure, we might not make as much money as we could elsewhere, but we make enough, right?

Again, this kind of thinking is trying to put off the matter that needs serious attention. Yes, our circumstances might work in some way now, but then why are we always so stressed? Why do we find ourselves filled with worry and regret all the time? Is the situation really so good if it’s making us miserable?

Once you stop the mental deferment, it is time to consider your choices in life. Start with the most outrageous, just as an exercise tool. Sticking with the notion of a bad job, accept that you can quit. If you want, you can write a letter giving the required notice right this second. Don’t think about the implications or consequences; just accept the fact that you do have the final choice in the matter, if you wish it.

Step 4 – Contextualize Choices

Now that you’ve reached the point of being able to accept your responsibility for things and consider the possible choices you have, it’s time to refine the matter.

Perhaps quitting the job isn’t the best idea right out of the gate. It’s nice to know you have the option, but does that create a practical reality? Perhaps not. Instead, consider what else you can do. Maybe instead of quitting, you want to volunteer for extra training that will get you a manager bump. Or you could update your resume after all and put it on a resume website, just to see what responses you get. Or perhaps you could ask for a bonus or raise, based on your performance.

Either way, you have a choice in the matter. Choose to confront your situation honestly, and you will see the choices open up wide before you. Only then can you begin making those choices that will make your life better, one small and serious step at a time.

Author’s Note: Previously published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – Using Systems to Gain Control

So far, we’ve been focusing on using small steps and independent techniques to help deal with the stress which piles up in our lives. We know about using the STOP method to interrupt difficult thoughts, or to get our attention where we need it instead of where it’s trying to go. We know about taking down notes in our stress log so that we can see where problems are building up. We know about scheduling our events around consistent times and not letting our schedules get derailed. Each of these techniques is a good and proper one for dealing with stress.

However, there is another technique that takes advantage of all the things we’ve talked about and makes them even more effective. This technique is called “system building.”

What is it?

System building is a method of taking all of your different techniques and applying them in an organized way, so that instead of reacting to stress as it comes up, you can head it off beforehand and minimize its presence in your life at all.

Why do I need it?

Studies show that humans are best suited for routines. Yes, we all crave a little change and excitement, but the best way to live day in and day out is in a stable yet adaptable routine. A routine is in fact a kind of system, built from our habits and usual practices to deal with the things that come up.

Where stress comes in is when our system fails a little. We try to graft something right on top of our existing routine and system, instead of bringing it inside where it’s part of things. We think about it as an outside imposition, rather then a necessary part of our routine, and thus we struggle against it and find ourselves stressing out.

How do I do it?

This is the beautiful part. If you’ve been following the program so far, you’re already doing it. It’s the step-by-step process of integrating the things we’ve already learned about, as mentioned above.

Step 1 – Go Through the Log

Now that you’ve had time to let your stress log develop, sit down and look through it. More than likely, you’re noticing a handful of patterns that keep popping up. Whatever form it takes, this is the sort of stress that comes up again and again, and isn’t likely to just stop if it’s ignored.

Without recriminations, take a separate piece of paper and notice all the events that come up more than once or twice. List all the inconveniences that keep popping up to hinder your stress-reduction efforts, along with a note of how often you have to deal with them.

Step 2 – Write Down Your Routine

Set aside the list of repeat stresses for a moment. Starting with the bare minimum events, list out your routine for the day. Start with when you get up, including important steps like meals, work, travel time and the like. List approximately how long each takes, and what times you usually engage in these activities.

Step 3 – Assign Times

Now that you have these two frameworks written out, it’s time to combine the two.

Remember that having specific times to do things is the strongest way to build a routine. Equally, trying to squeeze in events that are stressful without making them part of a scheduled timeframe is a way to amplify stress. Therefore, take advantage of scheduling to help reduce the impact of stressful events.

For example, some of us might be going to school to get that all-important degree. However, real life often gets in the way and few of us have the luxury of going to school full time without other matters to deal with. Thus, schoolwork gets shoved around until the last minute, and then we’re panicking and it’s stressing us out more than it needs to.

Instead, find a time between work and school, and schedule it as an inviolate time to sit down and tackle at least one part of your homework. Set an alert on your computer or cell phone if the reminder will help, and sit down to do the work. Make sure it’s the same time every day to emphasize that part of your routine.

Then, after only three weeks of this, it is likely that you will have internalized the event. It will no longer be “oh, nuts, I forgot homework…” Instead, it will feel like a part of your life, something that belongs to you and is firmly under your control.

Step 4 – Delegate!

As much as the world wants us to believe that we can all be supermen and do everything we put our minds to, we cannot. We’re human beings with limits, needs, and distinct abilities – and that is OK. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging our limits.

Maybe the house is just too messy to tackle on our own. Between work, school, the family and trying to exercise more often, we just don’t have the energy to get to it, but we don’t want it to get worse, either. Hire someone. Offer a friend a meal and 25 bucks to help you tear through the garage, or hire a short-term housecleaner while you get your schedule in order.

Whatever way you do it, asking for help is not a weakness, it’s a tool in your kit of ways to reduce stress. Once you know what you can handle, don’t feel bad about delegating the rest to others.

Editor’s Note: Article previously published here.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – External Checks on Internal Perceptions

It’s very easy to take our perception as reality. We see a wall six feet away, we say it’s six feet away. We feel hot, we say it is hot. The problem is, perceptions are a matter of perspective and information. Suppose someone who’s usually cheerful at work comes in and is much more curt than usual while greeting you. The instinctive response is to wonder if they’re mad at you for some reason. But perhaps they simply have a headache, or a sore throat, or have been dealing with crises ever since waking up. Or maybe they were just distracted. Either way, having more information improves the authenticity of our perceptions.

This is one of the most important stress management tools available in our toolkit. We have a tendency to be our own worst critics, particularly when we make mistakes. We do something wrong, a minor problem arises and then everyone but us moves on. We dwell on it and beat ourselves up, and make more trouble for ourselves than is necessary – all while no one else likely remembers it.

Therefore, let’s look at a healthy habit we can build to help combat our internal perceptions with external information.

Step One – Resolve the Problem

Taking care of whatever it was that triggered the event is always a good first step. If you forgot to file something, file it the moment you remember. If you inadvertently hurt someone, apologize for the slight, and so on.

Getting the immediate meat of the problem dealt with can help change the way we consider things. Yes, we made a mistake. However, we also corrected that mistake promptly and took the time to make things right. This is a powerful piece of ammunition in battling internal misperceptions, so make a habit of immediately solving what problems you can take care of.

Step Two – Think it Through

If your problems are still bothering you after you’ve taken care of any immediate matters, it’s time to think them through critically. Ask yourself why you’re worrying so much about them. Ask yourself if anyone else has been bothered by it as long as you have.

Part of this exercise includes a writing step. Take out two cards. On the first card, write down the three categories that are most bothering you. This could be anything, ranging from your productivity at work, your friendliness and so forth. Then rate these 1-5 on the first card, with 1 being negative, 3 being neutral and 5 being positive. This will give you an idea of how you feel about things in a relatively objective fashion.

Step Three – Gather Information

Remember when we asked you to find a support person in your family or friends to help you with things? Take them the second, blank, card and ask them to rate it without telling them your ratings. Once you have the information, compare the notes and see if there’s a difference in the numbers. Usually, since we’re our own harshest critics, we’ll find that we’ve rated ourselves worse than our support person.

Step Four – Talk it Out

If there isn’t much of a difference, it’s time to talk. Ask them for advice, or information on what the problem might be. Sometimes an external word can offer you a perspective on solving your problem that makes things simpler.

However, in most cases you’ll find that you’ve rated yourself much harder than your support partner. In this case, it is also time to talk. Before you tell them how you feel, ask them if they could tell you their reasons for their ratings about the matter. Listen carefully, and use their words to silence your inner critic. Let them know how you rated yourself and why. Then just have a frank talk about things and see what advice they have to offer, or whether just talking helps calm you down.

This is the part of the process that breaks the internal loop. You suddenly have new information that changes what you have to think about. As in the above example, just a little thought and a little external input makes you see things that were always there, but that may not have been as obvious before. This conversation session is where some of the best results can be had.

Step Five – Repeat and Adjust

Whenever you find yourself falling prey to that negative spiral of self-critique, ask your support partner for a comparison check. Use the card the first few times, and make sure to compare how often and how much your opinion and your supporter’s differ. Later, you can do aside with this step and begin just having the conversations, once you feel more comfortable.

As you keep repeating this step, you can see the trends in your thinking and the trends in your partner’s thinking. This will allow you to make decisions about things, and be able to honestly tell yourself that you’re overreacting, and thinking about things in a way that no one else does. This will let you quiet those troublesome thoughts and bring your perceptions under control.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin