Losing Weight and Building Confidence

Having confidence in your goal is important. It’s tough to stick to something we don’t believe we can do, after all. We’ve talked in other articles about how easy it is to get frustrated, and about controlling negative thoughts in our effort to build up good and healthy habits. We’ve also talked about rewards and incentives, but we haven’t really spoken about the best means of confidence boosting and building a habit of strong thinking itself.

Just like all of our other behaviors, confidence also is a habit. It’s a way of thinking that, if we cultivate it properly, will become automatic. People with more confidence try more things, take more risks and have more experiences overall than those of us without it. So let’s look at a few ways we can cultivate that kind of confidence for ourselves.

Confidence Booster 1 – Knowing Your Abilities

Honesty is the most important part of having a proper confidence habit. There are things we definitely can do, and things we definitely cannot. We can believe all we want that eating while standing up “doesn’t count,” but the calories still go in! Similarly, just because we’re afraid that we can’t do something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. We might be convinced that we’ll drown the moment we go into a pool, but stepping into the water will prove we’re wrong.

To that end, sit down with yourself and go over your goals and steps you’ve broken your diet plan down into. Look at each one, and come up with two different things that might get in your way of achieving them. Then immediately write down one way you know you can circumvent each potential problem. If it’s a friend who insists on super whippy frothy coffee desserts, consider asking them if you can meet at a different venue while you’re working on your weight loss.

Do this every single day. Pick out a specific goal, one obstacle and a resolution to that obstacle every morning when you get started. This will get your mind in the habit of thinking about your abilities and what you can do with them, rather than the problems and confidence-crushing hindrances that slow you down. Make sure you do it at the same time every morning to strengthen the habit-building potential of it.

Confidence Booster 2 – Review Your Successes

Nothing in the world boosts confidence like success. Verbal affirmations of your self worth are a good step, but they’re infinitely more powerful when you have something to reflect on when you make them. Equally, successes become more meaningful when rewarded with congratulations, yet often we are the ones least inclined to congratulate ourselves. Stop withholding well-deserved praise from yourself and start acknowledging what you’ve done right.

Whenever you take a positive step toward your goal, whether that’s refusing the large portion for the small one or successfully exercising the “wait 20 minutes” option during a snack craving, compliment yourself for it. Whether aloud or in the privacy of your thoughts, praise yourself for a job well done.

At the end of the day, review all the successes you made. You’ve probably already gone over the mistakes, so those don’t need retreading. Instead, focus on each little victory and take pride in it, knowing that it helped you one step along your way.

Confidence Booster 3 – Set Goals and Hit Them Again

Repetition and routine are the best methods of solidifying a good, powerful habit that will help when losing weight. We’ve discussed setting goals, and complimenting yourself for achieving them, so now let’s talk about repeating them. After all, what’s more impressive – hitting the bull’s eye, or hitting it 10 times?

To that end, take some time when you wake up to remember the successes from yesterday. After pausing to compliment yourself again for them, affirm that you’re going to take the same step today. You did it once, after all; it’s entirely within your grasp to do it again. If you think you can, go a step further and affirm an expansion to the goal as well.

This pattern will help you build a habit of consistently seeing your accomplishments as something that you can do and have done, and make you want to do them again. Then, as you get comfortable hitting the mark, you’ll naturally want to expand it, hitting a higher goal, until it becomes the one you meet every day.

Confidence Booster 4 – Review the Plan

An interesting study recently showed that people who focus only on their end goal don’t tend to succeed as much as those who focus on the goal and the steps in between. Yes, we all want to get to a place where we feel better, and fit into a nicer set of clothes, but if we choose to focus only on the little swimsuit, we’re going to inevitably look at ourselves and think, “How will I ever…”

Remember that you have a plan. You’re not trying to make a leap; you’ve got many small steps in between that you’re going to take. You don’t have to lose fifty pounds today; you just have to replace your usual afternoon candy bar with a healthy sandwich, or a pack of low-salt nuts. You can take that step – that’s easy! By reviewing the plan, and focusing both on the intermediate steps AND the goal, you make the goal seem that much more approachable, and you will find your confidence soaring.

Author’s Note: This article published here.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day weight loss program at weight loss program today and change your life.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – Don’t Look Back

The past can be a problematic albatross to carry around. We’ll forget where we left our keys 20 minutes ago, but ask us to remember an embarrassing moment from our childhood and it will come to mind like a flash. For some reason, we seem incredibly predisposed toward reminiscing over troubling events. We replay and replay them in our minds until we can’t focus on anything else but feeling mortified and wondering if we made the right decision.

Simply trying not to think about the problem doesn’t necessarily help, either. Studies suggest that simply trying to ignore a thought process doesn’t work; in fact, it can lead to thinking more about the very thing we’re trying to forget. This builds and builds, until we’re so worried about the past that we can’t live in the present like we’re meant to, and the stress of things that aren’t relevant anymore is still tearing us apart.

What’s needed is a system – a way of approaching the problem piece by piece and addressing each part until we can settle it logically.

Step One – Interrupt the Thoughts

As we’ve discussed before, good habits can be built on other good habits. They reinforce one another, each one making the others stronger and more resilient. To that end, if you find yourself endlessly replaying your bad conversations, interrupt the cycle with the STOP method we’ve discussed before.

Say “Stop” aloud: This verbal affirmation serves as a trigger for the habit and a reminder to yourself.

Take a Breath and a Breather: Give yourself a few seconds to practice your deep breathing habit and get your body’s physical responses under control, then take five minutes to unwind and explicitly focus on something uplifting and soothing.

Own Your Outcome: Remember to list several of the goals you’ve set for yourself, as well as the next step you’re going to take to make them yours.

Praise Yourself: Go over what you’ve accomplished thus far, including the most recent steps you’ve taken toward your goals.

Again, this will reinforce the strength of the STOP method overall, allowing you to integrate it more fully into your habit-building process. After thirty days of practice, it will seem like second nature.

Step Two – Analyze the Thoughts

Remember that thinking things through logically helps defeat illogical worries and unnecessary stresses. If we can contextualize the problems we’re dealing with, they can’t do as much damage and never seem quite as worrying as they did before we thought them through.

Once you’ve used the STOP method, take a moment to go over your thoughts thus far, piece by piece.

First, ask yourself why the event happened the way it did. Look at the whole matter fairly and objectively. What reasons could the other parties have had for reacting like they did? What are some good reasons they might have had, and what are some bad ones? Why did you react the way you did? What were your reasons, good or bad?

Be fair in your assessment, both to yourself and the other party. There’s nothing to be gained from inaccurate, angry criticism. To make this an approachable habit that’s easy to integrate, break it into small steps. First, think about the problem as a whole, then list one good and bad reason for your actions and the other parties’ actions. Three easy steps make this a habit that’s simple to adopt.

Step Three – Make a Wish

Now that you’ve gotten the problem into context, consider ways to use it as a learning experience. Given the benefit of time, distance and perspective, what do you wish you had done instead?

Worrying about and regretting the choice you made is a good sign that you might have made the wrong choice, so take some time to consider it. Was there something you might have said that would have made more sense? Would a calmer reaction have made the situation better? Write down several wishes you have for how the situation might have gone instead.

Also, consider another option. If one of your wishes can be fulfilled now, do so! Even late, good actions are a great way to make amends.

Step Four – Resolve to do Better

With the scope of the problem firmly in mind, and with your wishes stated for how it might have gone instead, it’s time to take the next step. Very specifically, write down your biggest regrets about the situation. Confront your worries realistically, be they about the situation itself, about how you handled it or about what’s come about as a result of the encounter. Then make a decision about each one.

If your problem was your tone, dedicate yourself to exercising control of your voice the next time you have an argument. If your regret lies in not listening, resolve to be more attentive to what others have to say every time you speak to someone. Then tear the paper up and set it aside. If the worries try to push themselves back into your head, say “that was then, this is now,” and find a way to act on one of your affirmative resolutions.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Celebrity Perfume Gift Sets Are Always Welcome

Perfume is one of the best gifts for your loved ones on almost every occasion, whether it is Valentine’s Day, Birthday, Wedding Anniversary, or even Christmas Day. The perfume leaves a long-lasting memory to the recipient because every time they smell the perfume on their body, they will always be reminded of the person who gave it to them. More so, they can also be reminded of their favorite celebrities if the gift they received is a Celebrity Perfume.

Celebrity Perfumes and Colognes have always been popular. Examples of these perfumes are those named after Calvin Klein, Burberry, Estee Lauber, Victorias Secret, Sara Jessica Parker and Elizabeth Taylor. These perfumes are available in single bottles or sets.

Single Perfumes for Women

Celine Dion Perfume was mixed according to Celine’s preference. She wanted a perfume that truly represents her spirit and love for herself and for the special persons in her life. She values her music because it touches lives of so many people and she hopes that the scent of her perfume would add to her passion. Celine Dion perfume was introduced in February 2003. Its fragrance is mild and is a wood and flower mixture that leaves you feeling clean and refreshed for the rest of the day.

Viva La Juicy Perfume by Juicy Couture is from the famous designers who used plush, knitted fabric into a trendy suit. Just like their suit, their perfume is just right for trendy women of today. A mixture of fruity and floral scents, the perfume is composed of extracts from juicy mandarin, wild berries, gardenia, jasmine, and honeysuckle. On the other hand, the base is combination of amber, caramel, sandalwood, pralines, and vanilla. This is available in 3.4 oz per bottle.

Just like Paris Hilton, the Paris Hilton Perfume is truly unique and chic. It was launched last 2004. It is perfect for an evening date or can also be put on daily. Paris Hilton Perfume is a fusion of fruit and flower extracts such as muguet, tuberose, apple, mimosa, peach, jasmine, and freesia. Its base is a mixture of musk, ylangylang, oakmoss, and sandalwood.? This perfume spray is also available in 3.4oz per bottle.

Also introduced in 2004, Curious Perfume by Britney Spears brings a sexy and romantic smell perfect for modern women. It has a strong scent of floral from Louisiana magnolia extracts with musk and vanilla mixed in. This perfume is presented in a 3.3oz spray bottle.

Single Perfumes for Men

In 2008, Signature For Him Cologne by David Beckham was presented. It has a characteristic smell of the Orient that is perfect for sexy men. Its fragrance has notes of watermelon, sea, and mandarin, while the heart consists of South African bush lantana blossom, cypress and juniper; and the base is a mixture of white amber, oak moss, and patchouli. This is available in 2.5oz spray bottle.

Ed Hardy Cologne by Christian Audigier is unique because of its colorful effects that represent Ed Hardy’s tattoo art. The scent smells floral and woody yet very masculine. The 3.4oz spray bottle is a mixture of citrus scents such as mandarin and bergamot with a mix of sage and zesty thuja aromas. Aside from the compelling concert of scents, it is also an art because of the outburst of colors. The smell is as refreshing as mint mixed with sensual musk.

Celebrity Perfumes in Gift Sets

The eternal fame of Estee Lauder has touched generations of women ever since 1985. The Beautiful Perfume Set is one of the best flowery perfumes ever loved by women all over the world. Its very womanly fragrance is comprised of fresh extracts from rose, jasmine, and carnation. To add more charm, fruity notes of plum, peach, melon and citrus is added to the flower scent. This scent is recommended after a bath and will surely last for the rest of the day. Each gift bag includes one bottle spray of 1oz perfume and 3.4oz body lotion.

As for the masculine scent, Obsession Gift Set by Calvin Klein is highly recommended especially for men in the workplace. Each set contains a 4oz cologne spray, and 2.5oz each of After Shave Balm, Deo Stick, and Body Wash. CK was launched in 1986 and its fresh oriental fragrance have never been erased in the memory of both men and women who loved it. It is a mix of clove, lavender, mandarin, nutmeg, and amber.

Author’s Note: This article published here.

…

To find these and hundreds of other great gift selections for all occasions, visit us online at http://www.LoveThoseGifts.com/ Always New Arrivals and Gifts On Sale. Written by Robert Moore.

Read more articles written by Robert Moore

Stop Stressing – Breathe Deep

Everyone knows how important breathing is to the body. In an emergency, we can go weeks without food and several days without water or sleep. We won’t be in the best of health, but it is possible to survive without these necessities in a pinch. However, anyone who goes more than a few seconds without breathing begins to feel incredibly uncomfortable!

Breathing is central to the way the body processes energy, for a start. Oxygen processed by the lungs is used to release energy from stored cells, just like it releases heat energy in the form of fire. This is why we find ourselves breathing faster in a crisis – our body senses that we might need energy quickly and is stepping up production.

Knowing this, we can turn breathing from something that just happens automatically into a powerful, stress-controlling habit that allows us to regulate the way our body processes its energy. By focusing and steadying our breathing to a slower, more reasonable pace, we reduce the rush of energy we’re experiencing and bring our emotions more under control. For those of us looking to reduce stress in our lives, following are a few tips on how to make breathing into a life-affirming habit.

Tip #1 – Practice!

Breathing is largely an automatic system, making the idea of practicing seem a bit odd at first. However, all habits take some time to fit into our lives. For example, consider our S.T.O.P. method: It has a very specific purpose, but it can be awkward the first few times we use it. However, by using it and practicing it whenever we can, we soon find it becoming second nature.

As with all important habits, timing is key. Schedule a specific time of the day that you will practice your breathing. It doesn’t have to be a long period, any specific time set aside becomes cemented in the mind with only a few repetitions. The key is to make it the same time every day, to help mold the habit into the flow of your life.

Tip #2 – Go Slow

As we said earlier, breathing quickly releases more energy. Nervous energy is a big part of negative stress, so take advantage of slowing your breathing to help control it.

During your exercise time, take a moment to lie down. Start small, with an easy step that you can manage. Breathe in, counting to three as you do, and then exhale for three seconds as well. Continue doing this until it feels comfortable and natural, and then gradually increase the time by three seconds. Never force it, if you feel that six or nine seconds is too long, go back to a smaller interval. As with all habits, shocking your body is not the way to do it – give yourself time to adjust and adapt.

Tip #3 – Use the S.T.O.P. Method

In another article, we discuss the S.T.O.P. method of controlling negative emotions. There is a wonderful opportunity to combine the S.T.O.P. method and breathing control into the same process, helping reinforce each habit with the other. Habits are strongest when they’re part of an integrated system, rather than standing on their own.

So, when negative thoughts come to mind and you reach for the S.T.O.P. process, take a slow, measured breath as well. Breathe in slowly, and exhale slowly, repeating several times to relax yourself. Your feelings of calm and relaxation will make the S.T.O.P. method more effective, and the S.T.O.P. instinct will remind you that breathing is important as well.

Tip #4 – Be Observant

Taking time to control your breathing every day is important, but equally important is observing how stress affects your breathing, and vice versa.

Throughout your day, take a few seconds here and there to see how your breathing compares between different events. Do you breathe differently at the beginning of the day compared to the end? How did the big surprise project that came up at work affect your breathing rhythm? How much did using a breath control technique help you cope with sudden changes? Knowing little things like this can help you adjust your breathing exercises for the maximum effect that you need.

Tip #5 – Take a Breather… Literally

You don’t need to reserve breath control methods for crisis situations. Yes, breath control is a valuable tool in these events, and can help you calm down. Conversely, it can also help you perk up and get the lift you need when you feel overwhelmed.

If you’re in the middle of a big project, but have a few seconds to take a break, remember to work a short breathing exercise into the moment. It doesn’t have to be long, simply give yourself one minute to practice breathing in and out in short, measured pulses. This will help you moderate and control the energy you’re using and will relieve that ‘long grind’ tension that can come with a tough work day.

Above all, take every opportunity to practice that you can find. Stick to one five-minute breathing workout per day, but also find time to stop, take a steadying breath and then continue on when you can. The extra effort will make the 30 days it takes to solidify this habit seem to breeze right by.

Editor’s Note: Also published here.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing: Visualize Success

Our vivid imaginations often have the power to alleviate or exacerbate stressful situations. On the one hand, we can come up with a lot of different solutions for the same problems; yet on the other, we also can create all manner of roadblocks for ourselves almost out of thin air.

The human mind is an incredible tool with the ability to envision all kinds of scenarios, and it is this capacity that can be your best ally or worst enemy as you’re trying to combat stress. After all, stress that’s caused by warranted things such as an emergency or an unexpectedly hard day at the office is troublesome enough, so why would we want to invent stress?

We’re going to discuss a few ways to turn our mind from an enemy into our friend. We’ve discussed the S.T.O.P. method in another article, and this technique builds on that tool. Once we’re in the habit of calling out our bad thoughts and pushing them out of the way, it’s time to put good thoughts and positive visualizations in their place. The mind will fill up emptiness with more thoughts, so why not use these techniques to make sure they’re thoughts that help, not hinder?

Visual Aid #1 – See the Goal

Remember that we’re not taking all these steps just to make our life more complicated or make ourselves feel bad! We each have a goal to reach, and these steps are part of the trip to that goal. So visualize yourself succeeding, and see yourself how you want to be. Imagine how good it will be to wake up not worrying about the rest of the day, and how great it will feel to go to bed knowing you have a handle on your problems.

As we know, stress has a major effect on our bodies. Too much of it can make us tense up, leading to bad posture and muscle aches or cramps. Imagine a good night’s sleep without those aches and pains, or without the headache that comes from worrying about a problem for hours and hours. See the goal, and keep it in mind.

Visual Aid #2 – See the Steps

There’s a trick that some runners use to keep themselves on track during a long course. Sometimes the goal does feel very far away, and it can be hard to see yourself getting from ‘here’ to ‘there’ at any one moment. Runners deal with this by picking out a landmark or feature a few minutes ahead of them, and choosing to reach it for the time being. The long journey then becomes a series of smaller stints that the runner can manage, and before long the finish line is in sight.

This is a powerful technique that works for visualizing efforts too. While you’re considering the goal, it might occur to you that all those nice results are a bit far away. Don’t panic, and instead start visualizing the steps toward that goal. Consider the important ones you’ve already made, and look to the next one. This will give you insights about how easy the course really is, and give you the courage to make each small step that will build up to those strong habits, a day or a week at a time.

Visual Aid #3 – See Your Friends and Family

A big part of why we don’t want to be stressed out is the effect it has on our friends and family. We miss out on fun activities because of stress headaches, we snap at someone when maybe we shouldn’t, or we are so distracted and irritated that we simply forget how much fun our loved ones can be.

As your next visual technique, spend a little time each day thinking about how your newfound outlook will help your family. Imagine being able to say ‘yes’ to more enjoyement because stress headaches are a thing of the past. Visualize how you want your evenings with your loved ones to be, instead of how they often end up because of stress. Remember that a small, conscious bit of time devoted to each step, each day will build up your habit into a rock-solid lifestyle.

Visual Aid #4 – See It Can Be Done

Some of us aren’t naturally visual people, or so we say. We’ve tried and tried to visualize things, but it just doesn’t work. However, don’t you find it easy to visualize how easily things can go wrong? Or even if it is true that you can’t really see, is it genuinely because it’s something you can’t do, or is it just something you can’t do–yet?

Any habit is hard to get into at first. Remember that it can take about sixty days for a habit to cement in your life sometimes. Try it, even if it seems to come hard. If you can’t visualize it in your mind, draw something on a fresh page of your stress log, even if it’s just a small smiley face with a note about something you found positive today. These little steps will add up, and will become much more natural as the days and weeks go on.

A Last Note

Sometimes, our visual mind doesn’t work on its own, but responds well to other people?s visuals. Ask someone to share a thought or a visual with you, about how to fight stress. This can be a ‘stress buddy’ or a family member, or even someone you only just met. Take their idea and run with it, and see where the thoughts take you. You just might be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck, and here’s to stress free living.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – Resist the Urge to Time Travel

For creatures that supposedly only exist in the present, we sure do a lot of time traveling. We worry about tomorrow, we fret over yesterday, and all the while our current status gets neglected.

Some of our most distracting worries aren’t even the current ones. Frequently we’ll drag ourselves down by worrying about tomorrow and whether we’re really ready for it, or we’ll fail to get things done today because we’re still beating ourselves up for the gaffe we made yesterday, or for not doing something we planned on doing. If we’re going to make the best of our efforts to relieve stress and get to where we want to be, we need to make a habit of making the most out of the present, instead of letting time-traveling worries get the best of us.

Step #1 – You’re OK

One mistake we often fall into is trying to stop thinking about something without substituting anything in its place. This isn’t really possible, because the act of trying to stop thinking means you are thinking. For example, try to go 10 minutes without thinking about a polar bear on a beach. It’s hard, isn’t it?

Instead, substitute a positive thought for the negative ones. When you feel yourself worrying about tomorrow or fretting about something that happened, interrupt the process. Take a deep, steadying breath, and say aloud “I am OK now.” What happened has happened, you can’t change it. What’s going to happen isn’t here yet, and there’s probably time to plan for it. Instead, focus yourself on what’s good in the here and now, and remind yourself of it.

Step #2 – Physical Reminders

Habits grow stronger when they have a physical component to go along with the action themselves. The reason many religious rituals are so ingrained into our culture is the physical parts that reinforce the idea and help build the habit. Take advantage of this by carrying around an “I’m OK” card.

On one side of the card, write “I’m OK” along with three reasons. “I’m OK because… there’s food in the house,” or “I’m OK because… I live in a beautiful neighborhood to walk in.” Your reasons can be your own, but make sure they appeal to you and your sense of well-being.

On the other side of the card, write down three things you’ve accomplished recently. Big or small ? doesn’t matter, just put down something you’ve managed to do. Once you’ve verified your reasons for being OK, flip over and remind yourself of your progress and that it’s helped bring you to the point of being OK. Do this every time you start to worry about the past, present or future, and build a steady habit of controlling your thoughts.

Step #3 – Take “Now” Actions

As we’ve said, activities can help bring your thoughts to the present instead of stuck in time travel mode. Play a game with your family, or play with a pet. These activities will force you to the present, and keep your mind focused on something specific.

Alternatively, stop and read a book for a few minutes. It doesn’t have to be a long time, just enough time to start following the plot of the story instead of worrying about problems that are either gone or not yet here. Interestingly, our brains can process things on multiple levels. When we sleep or relax, our brains aren’t completely “off.” They’re often working on our problems behind the scenes without bothering our conscious mind. So let your brain do the work for you while you enjoy yourself and live in the moment.

Step #4 – Be Impulsive

Our thoughts get into patterns, just like our behaviors do. Sometimes even a verbal interruption and a look at our card isn’t going to be a drastic enough change. This is OK, because that isn’t their purpose. Those steps and habit-building behaviors are intended to work gradually over an extended period of time. They mold our behavior steadily. However, sometimes you need more of a shock to get things worked on.

Take a day off of work if you have it, and go somewhere exciting. Ride a roller coaster at an amusement park, or go see a really great movie you’ve been considering for a bit. Do something outside your normal routine and force your mind to engage with it. This can help you get your mind in the right context to make your smaller, more gradual steps more effective the next day.

Step #5 – Talk it Up

Sometimes, we need a little help. Building a habit can be easier when we have a partner, after all. Make a point of talking to someone about how good things are, and how things are working out for you. A conversation focused on the present is a great way to get your attention centered in the here and now.

As with all habits, talking works best when it’s part of a routine. Make an appointment for the same time of day or time of week to meet with your talking buddy. Have a nice, no-strings and no-worries chat over coffee every Friday, and let your mind relax from its time traveling worries.

Editor’s Note: Article published here.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – Just Say No

As many people have commented at one time or another, we could get so much more done if there were just more hours in the day. Obligations pile up everywhere: duties at work, commitments to social groups, quality time with the family and time out to spend with friends? For whatever reason, there always seems to be some kind of demand (or worse, a polite request) on our time. Yet this wishing for more time in the day is missing the real point of the problem, which is actually quite different.

What’s the problem, then?

To be entirely fair without being harsh, we are the problem. More accurately, it’s our inability to say no. We accept new burdens because we want to be helpful. We take on harder projects because we think we can handle it if we just work it out properly. And we acquiesce to little requests because, after all, they aren’t that big of a deal, are they?

Soon enough, we’ve said yes to so many things that there isn’t enough time to do all of them healthily. We end up cutting into our sleeping, eating and recreational time to make room for all of our big activities, and in the end we suffer for it. For some reason, the idea of cutting out some of our excess commitments doesn’t seem to occur to us. However, if reducing stress really is the goal, it’s time that we learn to use the power of a well phrased ‘no.’

Making No a Habit

Step 1 – Start Thinking

Put an automatic moratorium on any request that doesn’t give you time to think about things. If it’s anything larger than handing a bit of paper to your coworker because they’re out, ask for five minutes to think about it. For bigger issues, ask for more time to think things over, up to an entire day or even a week.

In many cases, the problem lies in accepting requests automatically. Someone presents their case to you and sounds like they genuinely need help, so you say ‘well, alright,’ and automatically bend yourself to their need. Then they know they can rely on you, so they come again, and you say yes again… and you can see where this is leading.

If the request is genuinely important ? but not an emergency ? it can allow for a bit of time that you can use to think things over. Thinking about the problem might allow you to see a different solution, or recommend someone who has less on his or her plate, or even that you really can’t say yes after all. Sometimes the best ‘no’ is phrased as, ‘not right now.’ Make it as automatic as saying yes was previously; no matter what they ask, tell them you’ll deal with it after you’ve had a chance to think. This will help you build the habit as a strong, reliable defense mechanism.

Step 2 – Stop Small

One of the easiest ways to get into trouble with time management is in accepting small requests for your time automatically, because they’re so small. After all, they don’t take up much time and aren’t asking a whole lot, so why not?

However, we’ve discussed how every behavior can become a habit. If we begin saying yes to small requests on our time without thinking about them, we train ourselves into a habit of doing so, even when it might be advisable not to do it.

As an example of the impact a small request can have, consider a day you have planned out. You get up, make breakfast, see the family off to school and go to work. You have your day planned out so you can leave work a few minutes early and go home, thus beating the rush hour, when someone asks if you’ll just real quick run this one file upstairs, it won’t take half a second. Then you get caught in the rush, and you get home feeling frazzled. Only a small inconvenience perhaps, but imagine what will happen when you make it a habit, day in and day out?

Start finding ways to politely decline small requests, because you don’t want them to become a very big headache.

Step 3 – Start Committing

We all make plans. Plans are a good thing; they help us order our lives and tasks so that we can spend less time doing what we don’t like and the most time doing what we love. It’s when these plans go awry that stress begins to make itself known, and this is the very worst time to bend on our convictions.

We do have a right to stick to our plans. Yes, perhaps we haven’t seen our friends in a while and it wouldn’t take that long to have a fun night out, but maybe we really did just want that nice quiet dinner at home with our favorite album playing and the phone turned off. No one has an inarguable right to our time, and just because someone asked is no reason to derail our plans.

There’s never any call to be rude, of course, but there is plenty of call to be firm. If you’ve made plans and your first gut reaction to any request to change them is, ‘but I was going to…’ then politely say, ?I’m sorry, but I have plans.? Don’t feel you have to explain them. Often times doing so will invite the interrupter to compare or dismiss them. Simply state you have plans, and they can’t be changed. Do not bend on it. Keep it up for those first three weeks that are needed to build a good starting habit. Soon enough, saying ‘no’ will become so easy that the times you do say yes will be all the more meaningful.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Losing Weight – Weighing In

Part of our ultimate goal in doing all this habit changing is to lose weight, of course. We’ve talked about making goals and keeping our eye on them, and how to set achievable benchmarks for ourselves as we do what we can to make ourselves healthier. Part of that is the practice of weighing in and seeing what our progress has been. Unfortunately, this is another area where people too frequently miss out on developing a good habit, and find instead discouragement and frustration.

The tricky thing is, sometimes the scale doesn’t have good news. Sometimes we stand on it and we don’t see the decrease we want, or, worse, we see we’ve picked up a pound somewhere despite all our hard effort. This is hard to take sometimes, and is one of the biggest causes of giving up. However, just like all other problems, there is an explanation and a habit that can help solve it.

The Weighing Habit Step 1 – Picking the Time

The first problem that tends to come up is setting the wrong time length for our weigh-in sessions. Eager to see results, we often start by weighing in every day. On the surface this feels logical. After all, we keep a daily food journal, make daily goals into weekly milestones, and try to plan daily meals for ourselves. However, body weight takes a long time to settle properly, and can actually fluctuate from day to day. So even though what we see as an extra pound we’ve gained between today and yesterday might not be a permanent thing, seeing it there causes discouragement.

Instead, set your interval for one week. Don’t even look at the scale in the intervening days! A full week is enough time for your body to begin responding to changes, so waiting a week lets your measurements on the scale have more impact. That way the short term swings and dips don’t give you the wrong impression, and you gain an idea of the way your weight is trending. Also, make it the same day and time every week, to establish firmly in your mind that this is a habit to be followed, not something you squeeze in when you can.

The Weighing Habit Step 2 – Treat it as Information

Information is neither good nor bad; it’s just something we can use ? if we’re willing. If all goes well and we stick to our plan, then we should see a steady, downward trend in our weight, and we can be happy about that. However, if we trend upward for one week, we shouldn’t get too discouraged.

The body responds to all manner of things in its environment. Some people retain more weight in the winter, and peoples’ metabolisms react strangely to diet changes. If, in fact, you aren’t trending downward, simply accept that it means you need to either keep at it, or perhaps change something more, instead of giving up.

The Weighing Habit Step 3 – Keep it Consistent

Gathering information can be tricky, and there are ways to fool ourselves into thinking we aren’t progressing as much as we’d like. There are elements that can be adjusted or changed in order to make information-gathering more accurate. These are what scientists call ‘controls,’ because they allow someone to keep control of the information.

First, make sure you weigh in at the same time every week, as we mentioned earlier. Your body has patterns that it follows, and may weigh in differently in the morning than at night. Set a convenient time you know you can meet again and again, and stick to it.

Second, make sure to weigh in wearing the same clothes, every time. Your clothes can add a significant weight to any scale you stand on, so make sure you note down what outfit you’re wearing the first time you weigh in, and wear it every time. This will make your results more accurate, and help cement the habit of the matter in your mind.

Third, always use the same scale. Different companies calibrate their scales to different standards. Broadly speaking, they should provide similar results, but a digital scale could present differently than a counterweight scale in a hospital, for example. So even if you’re at a friend’s and they have one handy, don’t hop on for a quick check. Stick to your scale, each and every time.

Fourth, remember your system of rewards. The best way to use the scale is to integrate it into your whole, habit-building and habit-changing plan. When you reach a benchmark that you’re proud of, reward yourself somehow with something you enjoy. Reinforce the positive aspects of reaching your goals, even while you make sure not to beat yourself up over temporary setbacks.

The scale is a tool. It isn’t a judge that we should fear or feel guilty before. Like any tool, it allows us to address matters professionally and systematically. Sometimes our weight will seem higher, other times it will seem to trend lower, and the scale can help us with that. Don’t treat it as something to dread; learn to use it properly, and it will be a tremendous help in setting up a good, solid habit.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day weight loss program today and change your life.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Stop Stressing – Getting Away from Should

People like to have a sense of purpose about things. We want to know that we’re doing the right thing, and that our activities are going along according to “the plan.” In short, we spend a lot of time either saying “I should…” or asking ourselves “what should I…”

The problem with this mindset is that it ends up being a prison for the spirit rather than a pathway to success. When we say “I should do x,” very often that x doesn’t refer to something we came up with. Instead, we’re almost always referring to things that other people have said we “should” be doing. We should be walking every day, we should be eating this diet not that diet, we should just relax and not take everything so seriously.

There’s another common element to the usual “I shoulds” we tend to burden ourselves with – they’re horribly nonspecific. They don’t tell you why, leaving you to fill in the gaps yourself. They’re meaningless statements that don’t fit into a proper, healthy, holistic worldview that can let you benefit. Almost every time we say “I should,” we follow it up with “but.” Then we let ourselves dwell on the problems that get in the way of our goal, and we lose the energy to deal with anything as stress continues to build up and rob us of the good life. Before long it’s ingrained and habitual, and we can’t see a way out.

Instead of getting hung up on the “I shoulds” that keep tearing our confidence down, let’s look at the way we can harness the power of “I want,” and “I will.”

Step One – Decide What YOU Want

As we said, many “I shoulds” come from thinking about the desires and proclamations of people that aren’t you. This is what makes it so bad to adopt a should habit. The fact that they aren’t you is the biggest problem; your life and your problems are unique, requiring their own perspective. What works for someone else may not work for you, but the moment that you say, “I should at least try,” you give the idea its own merit.

Instead, remember to sit down and inventory what you WANT out of life. Remind yourself what stress has done to you, and what it’s taken from you. Remember why you want it gone, and why you chose to try and remove its influence on you. Habits are built from desires, whether conscious or unconscious. Choosing to go from something that you want, something that pleases you, will make it much easier to hold onto that habit in the future. This is because it will be entirely yours, instead of a burden imposed by someone else.

Step Two – Review Your Tasks

On some level, the instinct of “should” comes out of needing to schedule our lives. We think we should get the car looked at because we don’t want it to break down and strand us on the highway, for example. This is a pretty reasonable way of looking at things, on the surface. Then again, if we have a good reason for getting the car serviced, it isn’t really a “should” so much as a want. We WANT a car that works well, and gets us to work. We’re not doing it because someone said we should, but to meet a need we have.

This week, go over the things that you have scheduled or intend to take care of. Ask yourself why they’re on the schedule- are they there to keep up appearances, to please someone else, to maintain status quo or put off conflict? These are “shoulds,” and are probably taking up a lot of your energy through worrying. If they’re there because you want them to be, then they’re not a “should” and are alright.

Step Three – Act On Your Wants

In the end, everything we do because we “should” is just putting off the problem. It builds up those bad habits that get us stuck in a rut and let stress build up in our lives. We avoid an argument one more day because we “should” be peacemakers. Instead, take the initiative and break these bad habits by acting on good desires.

A major part of building up good habits is clearing out old ones so you have room. Every bad habit we have can be replaced with a good one, given enough time and consistent effort. Instead of avoiding a lingering conflict because you “should” keep the peace, initiate a discussion about it because you WANT to feel better and stop worrying.

Step Four – Be Gradual

As we’ve discussed before, major changes are hard to turn into habits. Almost nobody changes immediately and overnight. It’s going to take the same steady, deliberate series of changes to get from “should” to “want,” and there’s no reason to feel bad about that. Take small steps, beginning with you. When you feel yourself saying, “I should take care of this…” ask yourself why. Start things out by taking the time to just think about why you feel a certain way. The very act of thinking on things will give you a new sense of control and direction that you may find surprising, and ultimately rewarding.

This article published here.

…

Larry Tobin is the co-creator of http://www.HabitChanger.com/, offering effective and empowering solutions for stopping stress. Try our 42-day program that will help you learn proactive habits to beat stress and keep you moving forward in the right direction.

Read more articles written by Larry Tobin

Maximizing Profits by Lowering Health Care Costs in an Obamacare Society

Health care costs are a growing concern amongst small and large business owners throughout America. The cost of medicine in the United States is out of control, with the average CT Scan or MRI costing thousands of dollars. Simple and complex treatments, office visits, and procedures are costing employers millions of dollars while decreasing the profitability of their organizations. Because of the rising health care costs, employers are forced to reduce bonuses, reduce spending, and sometimes layoff employees, which increases stress.

Employers can manage health care costs in a society that is preparing for major health care renovation by monitoring the eligibility of spouses and dependents, investigating and reporting all claims, switching to different policies, encouraging spousal health insurance, reducing workers compensation payouts, and developing a?legal team to handle litigation and settlement issues.

Utilizing competitive business strategies that monitor expenses closely can control health insurance costs. In 2007 the average employer paid $12,106 in health care costs, with the employee picking up $3,281 of the bill. Health care costs continue to rise, causing employers financial distress.

Conduct Family Eligibility Audits

An employee’s family is one of the largest health care expenses businesses deal with, as children and spouses become ill over the course of their policy. It is commonplace for businesses to spend millions on an employee’s dependent or spouse. Companies can reduce the amount of money spent on spouses and dependents by actively investigating all non-employee claims.

In most policies a dependent is defined as someone under 18 or who is a full time student below a certain age. The new Obamacare insurance reform requires employers to pay for dependents under 26; however, many?current policies set the age at 23 or 24.

Employers can minimize health care costs by ensuring any person over 18 is a full time non-exempt student. Employers can encourage employees to set their dependents up with school-sponsored insurance, which reduces the employers overall cost. Additionally, employers can alter the policies to remove unrestrictive verbiage from the documents, such as policies that do not require older dependents to be in school. Verification of a dependent’s status can be obtained from leading national clearinghouses and verification services at a fraction of the price of their health plan.

There are other health insurance loopholes employers can leverage, such as retiree benefits for dependents as well as dental and vision services. Limit the scope of retiree health plans by removing dependent coverage, only providing medical services to the employee’s spouse. Additionally, consider modifying vision and dental coverage for dependents by limiting it to essential and preventative services.

Deductibles and Out of Pocket Expenses

Employers can significantly reduce the amount of money they spend on an employee’s health insurance plan by utilizing plans with high deductibles, which ensure that their workers are protected in case of major illness or injury. Additionally, deductibles place most of the annual expenses on the employee, with the employer serving as backup in case of life threatening illness, expensive operations, and other expensive procedures, such as CT Scans or MRIs.

High deductible plans are ideal for small and large businesses that want to minimize health care costs and risks associated with high premium traditional plans. Employees are made aware of their high deductibles and take a proactive approach to their health, avoiding expensive hospitalizations for otherwise preventable diseases, such as diabetes.

When employees are aware of the true cost of health care, their overall demeanor towards a healthy lifestyle improves. They also are more appreciative of the services and benefits their current employer offers.

Minimize Health Care Costs by Splitting or Switching Plans

Encourage employees to utilize their spouse’s employer paid health insurance package if it is available. The strategy can be marketed as providing them with the maximum coverage, pointing out how their spouses program is a viable alternative. Educate employees on the open enrollment procedure, fostering communication within their family regarding the topic.

Employees can save up to $5,000 by switching to their spouse’s insurance, especially if said employee was on a high deductible policy. Another option is to encourage employees to split their dependent’s coverage amongst both of the health plans, minimizing financial risk to your business.

It is illegal to?demand that employees switch to their spouse’s plan or remove dependents from their policy. Incentive programs are unethical but may drive?lower health care costs in your organization. Use this method as a last resort, as some employees may take action against the company. Insurance commissioners frown upon the incentive or spousal switching program, thus it is best to encourage the splitting of spouse and employee coverage.

Start a Healthy Living Program

The fastest and most efficient way to decrease health care costs is by encouraging your employees and management staff to live a healthy and preventative lifestyle. Preventative care costs far less than other medical procedures, which reduces the out of pocket expenses for both the business and employee. Offer awards or incentive programs for employees who quit smoking, lose weight, stop drinking, or take a proactive approach to their health.

Be careful when publicly honoring the employee in front of their coworkers, as some may be nervous or reserved, these are sensitive topics after all. Healthy living programs foster a wholesome lifestyle, in which the employee receives routine checkups and works to reduce preventable conditions, such as obesity and high cholesterol. Healthy lifestyle programs can target diet, weight loss, smoking, alcoholism, aging, and stress. Additionally, healthy employees can participate by continuing to exercise on a routine basis and reducing their?stress levels.?

Author’s Note: Previously published here.

…

Thayne Carper spent 4 years of college competing in student business plan competitions. He’s never won a business plan competition and was dropped from his college’s entrepreneurial program for lacking potential. Today, he is one of the youngest published experts on the topic of business turnarounds and cost reduction. Visit his website lower supply costs up to 30% for a copy of his report “The Definitive Guide to Doubling Your Profits in less than 6 Months” and learn how you can easily lower supply and service costs up to 30% without hiring a consultant. Learn more: http://www.ThayneCarper.com/

Read more articles written by Thayne Carper